The Day You Never Plan For

posted in: Our Real Life | 0

It was Tuesday February 20th. Lib and I had our weekly Tuesday catch-up planned. I had something weighing on my heart that I knew I needed to share with her and I also wasn’t sure what the ripple effect was going to be.

 

In my recent journalling, I had been stumbling over this inconvenient truth… something wasn’t feeling right. I was feeling disconnected from what we were creating together under the umbrella of what you know as The True You Project.

 

That past weekend I had taught an Embody class and led the 2nd week of The True You Project’s 9 week course. The difference in how I felt was palpable. My joy levels were on two different playing fields.

 

The scary part was, I had more excitement and energy around someone else’s creation than my own. What was up with that?

 

I had been using the Sacred Grounding process that we shared with you here, and after relinquishing myself from the voices in my head trying to tell me “I can’t walk away”, and “Yes you can, this was never meant to be”, and a cacophony of other confusing sounds, my Next Right Move was clear:

 

Just talk to Lib. Tell her how you’re feeling. You don’t have know the future right now. Just be honest about where you are now.

 

You know, that whole vulnerability thing I so eagerly wave the flag of, and is so friggin awkward to carry for yourself.

 

So I told her how I was feeling. And guess what her response was…

 

“Me too.”

 

Whew. We both sighed a sigh of relief, knowing we could enter in this unknown space of “What do we do with True You going forward?”, with openness, honesty, and supporting each other through our own individual and collective process.

 

Ok here’s a #truthbomb of mine… One of my biggest fears is that my needs won’t match up with someone else’s needs, and that choosing my own will hurt them. I’ve been on both ends of this in past romantic relationships, either calling them off myself or getting the phone call that this is over. I’ve never experienced the gift of staying in relationship with someone when the bullseye of our needs didn’t match up completely; until now.

 

Lib and I decided to practice what we preach. Pause. Hold on to our Desire to use our experience and skills to facilitate healing for others, and Let Go of what that looks like for each of us, and True You.

 

We explored our self-judgement and fears together, and owned up to where we felt like we were pushing and striving and trying too hard, and where we were holding back and hiding some of our brilliance and heart’s desires.

 

We walked into the murky waters together, and we each found the light of our Truth.

 

Her Truth was that after 2 years of collaborating and partnering together to build The True You Project, it wasn’t right for her any more. Some of the seeds that she had planted along the way were sprouting on a different horizon, and she needed to give them and her family her full attention.

 

My Truth:  After 3+ years of developing The True You Project and it’s message, I was tired. Exhausted to be frank. I needed a break and I had no idea what would come of that break.

 

So we shared our Truth with each other and agreed that she would step away, and I agreed with myself to give me a break.

 

You know in the movies when there is that climatic moment when you can just about hear the angels sing and a halo of light starts to make everything glow?

 

That’s what it felt like for both us. Expansive. Connected. Content. Full.

 

Yes we were sad; we honored the loss of what was and what we had hoped for.

 

But more than Sad, we were Glad. Grateful that we had the balls (and integrity) to apply our own tools to the very thing that birthed the tools. Grateful for how we honored ourselves and each other in the process. And Excited for the positive possibilities that we had just made room for in each of our lives.

 

Don’t get me wrong. This was NOT an easy decision to make. We lamented over all the time and energy we had invested over the years, that we were now walking away from. What made it even harder was that we didn’t have much to show for it in financial terms. Yes, we had income coming in, but it wasn’t sustaining us. Our inner warriors were so tempted to stick it out until there was viable financial success, but we also knew that fighting for the future was doing a disservice to our present needs. As adept as we are at sticking things out, we decided to leave the old pattern and try something different for our lives.

 

This was not an economic win. And yet there was so much to celebrate.

 

Not what we decided, but WHY.

 

And the Why says it all… because we were actually embracing our True You. Embodying all of us in the process of creating The True You Project, the very creation that challenges us to live as our True You.

 

It couldn’t get more perfect than that.

 

And so I share this news with you with a mixture of feelings.

 

Of course there’s the old story lurking around: “OMG we failed! What will they all think!?” and the remnants of guilt and feeling like we owe you an apology. “We should have made this work for you. We could’ve tried harder.”

 

That old story is heavy and it sours the feelings cocktail.

 

But here’s the thing… most decent cocktails have a bitter or sour added to them. It rounds out the sweetness.

 

In this case, the sweetness tastes like the honesty and transparency. The grace and ease in which we took each step in the unknown. The sweetness of liberation as we shone a light onto our fears.

 

The result: A cocktail of Joy. A mixture of our dark and our light.

 

I share this with you for two reasons:

 

  1. Because you are our people. The ones we pray for and are oh so grateful for. The ones that have fuelled us to where we are today.
  2. Because we want you to encourage you. No matter what situation you’re facing right now that doesn’t feel quite right, no matter how scary it might feel to just acknowledge that to yourself; honor what you’re feeling. Be honest with yourself. Then go and find someone else that you trust and be honest with them. If it helps you, use our process.

 

Big Big Love to You.

 

Kendra


Want to stay connected with Liberty and all the awesomeness she brings, including weekly yoga classes in Lawrenceburg and Nashville, TN, and boxes of naturally nourishing baked treats? Follow her on Facebook and Instagram or send her an email at nourishnewlife@gmail.com. Order your first box of gluten-free, refined sugar-free treats at www.nourishnaturalbaking.com.

 

 

 


Want to stay connected with me as The True You Project continues to shifts its shape? I’m writing and dancing at www.kendra-tanner.com and on Instagram.

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