Since opening the Nourish Circle subscription we’ve been noticing all kinds of things about ourselves and our bodies and our relationships. I’ve found noticing is a safe space to observe and become aware without having to control, fix or figure anything out immediately.
Most of my life I’ve been a re-actor; meaning I didn’t take time to be with myself in whatever what happening. This has led me to saying ‘yes’, when I meant ‘no’, to do things I later felt lots of shame about, and plod through my life like a robot – checked out emotionally but functioning fine physically.
Bottom line: that kind of existence isn’t what I desire and I don’t believe it really works for me.
One thing about noticing, is how much gentler and kinder it is than reacting. This simple act of noticing creates a space in my heart and mind to become more of an observer, without immediately having to know what to do.
Which led me to the biggest breakthrough about food and my deprivation cycle I’ve had in years. I was invited to attend a food and body event and while there, I noticed how much fear drives my reaction to control.
I’d noticed it when my mamma died last year, and I suddenly thought that restricting my food intake would be a good idea. Same thought occurred the week I was dealing with scary heavy things about my kids.
When I feel fear, especially about the future, I react by controlling. And my go-to has usually been to control food.
Noticing all this and having a safe space to talk about it helped me recognize that, since I suffer from Autoimmune disease and know a lot about how food affects it, I’ve been able to mask my deprivation with “a doing it for my health” stamp.
I kept talking about my cycle/pattern and as I took it one step further, I noticed what I really am craving when I’m in fear and panic is attention and care and support. And in a backhanded sort of way, deprivation was giving it to me by making me get hyper-focused on what I could and couldn’t eat.
I feel so incredibly glad for the gift of noticing. Since I didn’t pressure myself to figure out why-why-why?, I got to gently allow the truth to surface. And now I get the ultimate gift of noticing: space to notice choices about how I can get care and attention and support in healthier-for-me-ways.
I’d love to hear what you’re noticing about your life. Leave a comment below or join us in the Nourish Circle!