Noticing what’s going on in my head, heart and body, is a muscle that I’m slowly learning how to build.
This month I got to spend a couple of weeks at home in NY, visiting my parents (and doing Embody teacher training!). After about 10 days I noticed, I am not sleeping!
I’d be up until 2 or 3am, ‘working’, and then up again at 7am ready to go again.
The things I was working on were not emergencies; were not saving lives. Tweaking playlists for Embody teacher training, drafting the next version of my TEDx talk, planning and strategizing for True You.
Ok fair dos, some of these things legit had to be done. But…
What I noticed was the energy inside me that made me feel compelled to get them done.
It was as if I was on auto-pilot, not really choosing to spend my time in this way; it was more like I was captive to a beast forcing me to take action.
I can’t coherently tell you why I felt this way, which is OK, because…
The point of noticing is not to explain. It is just to become present to what is real for us in each moment of our lives.
What I am becoming present to is a pattern that I am often in, but was half-asleep to.
A pattern that has a deep-rooted need to perform, because something tells me there is safety in performing.
A story that says, ‘When I am doing and achieving, then I, and all, will be OK.’
Yes, this is a form of control. And Yes, this is in response to fear.
One thing I have learned is that defense mechanisms are called defense mechanisms for a reason. They somehow protect us, at least for a time.
A surprise gift that has come from this practice of noticing is a seed of acceptance. For once I don’t feel an overwhelming urge to fix it right away.
Yes, I would like this workaholic pattern to run its course sooner than later,
And I am also happy to trust that just by noticing, it’s already on its way out, and I don’t have to rush the process.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
PS Join us in the Nourish Circle and we can build our notice and acceptance muscles together!