Rest: What happened when I started letting go

posted in: Our Real Life, Rest | 0

When I started off this month with an intention of leaning in to the idea of ‘letting go’, I wasn’t expecting a lesson in receiving. Here’s what I learned…

When you are holding on to something, your hands are full. When you let go, your hands are left empty. That can be scary. My inner child cries out, ‘What do I hold on to!??, because taking care of myself and being my own answer to everything is all I know.

Receiving is the opposite. Sitting in stillness and letting my hands be filled by someone, or something else, is a form of surrender I’ve not been familiar with.

It is scary because I am no longer in control. Not only am I not in the drivers seat anymore, I have to stop ‘doing’ in order for me not to miss that miraculous moment when my hands are empty, and open, and something else is already waiting, ready to fill them up.

I’ve started some therapy recently, and what’s become a no-brainer is that I have been living practically my whole life, at least my whole adult life, under the paradigm that I have to have the answers (ALL the answers in the world mind you, not just what to cook for dinner tonight).

I have been taking responsibility to the extreme, putting it on my shoulders to sort out and fix everything that ‘is going wrong’ (my default lens has always assumed the worst and that I am being punished and corrected).

And oh, by the way, this isn’t going to be easy, expect trials and tribulations. So much so, why even bother using the shopping cart at the grocery store when I’m perfectly capable of carrying 2 full baskets of root vegetables. I’ve literally been breaking my back as I’ve been holding on to the idea that I have to work hard for my worthiness and happiness.

It’s time to let go.

Last week in a prayer/meditation (I’m still not sure what to call that time of deep connection with something greater than me), these words came to me and struck a chord deep in my heart.

Lightbulb moment: The good is already there! I don’t have to go hunting and searching for it. I don’t have to hustle to manufacture it anymore.

Letting go of a lifetime’s worth of stories telling myself otherwise is not easy, but these words have given me permission to loosen the grip, inch by inch.

Use a damn shopping cart. Ask for help. Give myself 3 days off in the middle of the week just because. And refrain from cleaning my house from top to bottom on said days off and actually. sit. still.

I am only a couple weeks in to this new phenomenon, but I can feel the shift already. I am calmer inside, more relaxed and able to go with the flow, and things are starting to fall into place without me striving and forcing them. Like an out of the blue referral from a previous client, 3 sign-ups to Your True You Journey within 24 hours of kick-off, and receiving an offer on my husband’s flat before the first scheduled viewing. Mini miracles, but miracles just the same.

I am sharing this story and passing these words on to you in the hopes you can give yourself permission to let go too.

Yes, it might feel scary. Lot’s of uncertainty. And the idea that there is good waiting for you might feel hard to believe.

That’s ok. Try the words on anyway…

It’s OK to Let Go. I am open to receiving all the good that is available to me.

In your prayer, meditation, running through the woods, or whatever other semi-spiritual practice you have, let the words roll over your tongue until they become yours.

With Love,

Kendra

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